


Touch-starved

by sugas_angel



Series: Haikyuu oneshots [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Trauma, F/M, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Self-Esteem, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Touch-Starved, if there is something else i'll add it, miya twins being annoying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29861352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugas_angel/pseuds/sugas_angel
Summary: A group of senarios where the reader is touch-starved and a few chosen volleyball players help her. I really suck at summaries so sorry - big TW as a lot of emotional trauma being dealt with here
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader, Kita Shinsuke/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Series: Haikyuu oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180853
Kudos: 5





	Touch-starved

**Author's Note:**

> First of is Suga - I'll start of with a slightly fluffy one rather than full on angst. Also the timeline in this one doesn't exactly match up, but I needed the extra time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The volleball match descrption sucked and was practically nonexistent, just because I couldn't be bothered - whoops!

For as long as you could remember you had hated people touching you, you didn't like people getting to close and you didn't know why. Your family knew this, they avoided getting to close, letting you have your space, leaving you be. Your volleyball team however, not so much. As the manager of a close knit team like Karasuno it was hard to avoid things even as menial as high fives. Your fellow third years were used to you avoiding touches, the second years KNEW you didn't like it but that didn't stop Tanaka and Noya from trying, the new first years were still getting used to it but respected it mostly, you just had to keep an eye out for Hinata in case he got too excited and forgot. The last time that had happened he had come running up to you arms open wide, you had panicked and leaped to the other side of the room, he had apologised profusely but you had just laughed and waved him off.

Neverless as you watched them win against Aoba Johsai and congregate in the middle of the court all hugging and laughing you couldn't help but feel a little jealous. The feeling only increased when they all gave you a thumbs up as you handed them your water bottles, Hinata in check, Noya and Tanaka not even attempting to get a high five. 

You watched them all at dinner as they gulped down food, the excitable energy vibrating around the room, unlike the sombre atmosphere that had surrounded them the last time they had played Seijoh. You sat between Suga and Daichi, both not letting their knees touch yours in their cross legged position, ready if one of the players accidentally tried coming at you in their excitement. They had never questioned why they just let it be, but now you started to doubt yourself chewing on the inside of your cheek.

You didn't notice as Hinata shot his arm out for a high five, you didn't reel back like you normally did, didn't let out a yelp that was usual for you, instead you just looked at his palm. The non-existent reaction that came from you was what stopped Daichi and Suga from reaching their arms over and gently reminding Hinata as they pushed him away. Everyone was staring at you, even Tsukishima, as you steadily gazed at Hinata's hand. Hinata had obviously noticed what he had done and was about to pull away and aplogise for getting too excited but your lack of usual reaction held him there, there were two options, you would either realise the situation and lean back and he would apologise as normal or you might, MIGHT return his gesture and as this second one was an option he held his arm there just in case.

You were unsure of what to do, you hadn't reacted, you hadn't careened away but you hadn't returned the gesture either you had just stared. You thought back to all the little touches and gestures the team made at practice, the team huddles, and the pile that had lain on the floor at the end of the day's match and you were jealous. Somehow as the team had progressed and become more of a family than anything else you started to crave touch. It had been too long, you didn't remember what it felt like but all of a sudden you wanted to remember, you wanted to know. So hesitantly you reached out and lightly tapped Hinata's hand against your own, it was quick barely a second, but you did it and the breif skin on skin contact the heat still lingering on your own palm was enough to make you want more. You smiled up at him 'well done today' and that was it. The third years looked shocked, the second years erupted protesting loudly how it wasn't fair and Hinata still hung there in shock. 

Noya lunging at you from across the table was enough to snap you out of whatever cloud you were in and you quickly put your arms up covering your face trying to protect yourself as Daichi and Suga both reached across and hauled Noya back into his chair.

The rest of the dinner went on as normal and soon you were going home. Everyone peeled off in their respective ways until it was just you and Suga walking down your street. 'Well done today' Suga interupted suddenly, you stopped startled 'it should be me congratulating you stupid' you replied to your sliver haired friend 'y/n I have known you for almost a decade and I have never seen you touch someone on your own will' the silvery light of the moon glinted in his eyes, you shrugged, 'I couldn't rember what it felt like and I was curious, it was more of a spur of the moment thing really' you said sheepishly 'you still did something' he waved off your obvious embarrassment 'why do you not like touch anyway?' he said curiously, you almost felt bad for him. You had touched no one in years, he had been you best friend since you were 7 and had never touched him once, but suddenly on the spur of a moment you had given the short middle blocker a tap on the hand, 'when I was little I didn't like people being in my personal space, I wouldn't let anyone touch me and when they did it made my skin crawl, I suddenly started flinching away when people made a move to touch me until eventually people grew used to it and just stopped all together, I don't really have a specific reason'. Suga continued to stare at you, he lifted his hand up to your face and hesitated giving you time to step back if you wanted but when you didn't he reached forward and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, fingers lingering just slightly and you longed to pull his hand closer, longed to nuzzle your face into his palm, longed to feel the heat of his skin on your own for a while longer but you didn't and as his hand moved away all he said was 'well I'm glad you might be trying' before turning away and crossing the street, two doors down from your own house. 

-

'Alright guys we have a week to prepare for the finals against Ushijima and the rest of Shiritorizawa' coach yelled out clapping his hands together 'and when we win we'll be of to Tokyo for Nationals' there was no uncertainty in his voice as if he belived they were already on their way. 'We'll be going over a few core moves and reinforcing the basics, I don't want us overworked, I just need us prepared, so lets get warmed up and work on serving and receiving' he clapped his hands again and the boys scrambled of to stretch, you walking over to the bench, pulling out your notepad ready to write out notes on today's practice. 

As you handed out the water bottles and towels for the boys Noya came bounding up, normally this energetic approach would have made you reel but you barely took notice as Noya pratically yelled 'y/n did you see my rolling thunder, IT WAS SO COOL!' he held out both his hands for a high five hoping maybe that if he held them there like Hinata did you would respond, 'yeah I did' you laughed as you lightly clapped his hands with your own not even thinking about it. Although when you did realise you stopped and stared at your own hands, like at the restaurant everyone stared, Suga just laughed as Noya bounded of and out of the gym screaming 'I HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY THE GODDESS HERSELF, I AM NEVER WASHING MY HANDS AGAIN!' as you heard the continuous screech of Noya yelling 'I HAVE BEEN BLESSED, I HAVE BEEN BLESSED' coach just looked at Daichi telling him to go drag Noya back as you went back and sat on the bench. Suga gave you a thumbs up before going back to practice. 

\- 

As the week went on it became usual for the team to hold up their hands for you to tap back in return, it became normal for you to give them a light tap on the shoulder if you needed to tell them something. It would always be you initiating the touch, deciding if it would happen or not, Noya, Tanaka and Hinata also seemed more patient rather than accidentally throwing themselves at you when they got excited. 

You and Suga talked all the way home and on thursday you had even linked your arms with his as you both tiredly walked home after a particuarly long practice, 'just 3 more days and you'll have won and we'll be going to nationals in spring' you sighed leaning in to him slightly he laughed 'yeah because beating Wakatoshi is as easy as lemon pie' you pulled back in shock 'lemon pie isn't easy' you exclaimed 'it's both incredibly hard to make and eat' you said shuddering at the though of the yellowy bitterness Suga just laughed even harder 'sure sure y/n sure' he chuckled again as he left you at your gate. 

That evening you walked into the kitchen where you mum was making dinner, you stood awkwardly in the doorway hands twisting toether as you suddenly blurted out 'can I have a hug?' your mum turned to you, shock in her eyes before amusemant replaced it 'are you feeling okay?' was all she said. You felt your face heat up, was it always this awkward? 'yeah I just want one..' you trailed of, that was lame, shit why was this so hard? It's just a regular human thing to do. Your mum lifted her arms up, you inched forward not really knowing what to do, when you decided it was too much and backed away 'sorry' you muttered in defeat, going back up to your room. 

You stared at the ceiling wondering why it was so hard for you. It was just a natural thing to do, and why did you crave it so suddenly, you instantly thought of Suga, how his smile smile just lit up the entire room, his affection towards his team mates, how he had never once questioned your preference for lack of human contact and just went along with it and along the way made sure others respected this too. And you couldn't help but think about what it would feel like to run yu hands through his hair, hold his hand, kiss the small beauty mark by his eye, but no, Suga was your best friend you couldn't just ruin that. However, that still didn't stop you from falling asleep and imagining being in Suga's embrace. 

-

On the day of the finals, you met Suga outside the school gates, the rest of the team slowly arriving with their kit and making their way slowly onto the bus. He smiled at you and as per usual let you sit in the back corner next to the window, as he sat next to you, you slowly inched your hand closer to his and once you were close enough, enveloped it in your own, you gave it a light squeeze and a whispered 'good luck' before quickly bringing it back into your lap.

Suga knew this was hard for you, all those years of distancing yourself but he was proud you were making an effort for whatever reason that may be and each little bit of contact made him proud of you. Meanwhile, you were sitting in your seat completelty overthinking what you had just done but one thing was on your mind, more, oh how you just wanted to fling yourself on him and hug him for eterity never letting go, oh how you craved touch now more than you had ever feared it, but tht fear was still there. 

-

It was a long hard game, each interval, each timeout, at the end of each set, you could do nothing to ease them, just hand them their water bottles and towels give encouraging words and little high fives, Ushijima was horrible, how had Tsukishima's arms not dislocated yet? The guess monster was incredible too, you couldn't imagine how long he had had to perfect his skill, he moved his arms so flawlessly killing every spike he blocked, completely shuting Hinata and every other spiker down. 

You swore you hadn't been breathing for the last 5 minutes, the continuous slam of the ball as set point went back and forth constantly, neither team seemed to have the upper hand. Match point for Karasuno, you held your breath, this decided it all, never mind how many times Shiritorizawa had managed to conteract them, all that mattered was where the ball was now. 

With deafening silence the ball fell, on Shiritorizawa's side, it was like time paused the entire gym drowned in a deafening silence, no one really believed it, was the ball really there, are we sure? But the whistle called and chaos erupted, the stands whooped and cheered everyone calling out Karasuno's victory, Shiritorizawa's side seemed a sharp contrast, it was subdued in a sombre silnece, the cheerleders still holding up poms poms not quite believing they had fallen, meanwhile all the boys on Karasuno were all together laughing and cheering in a huge pile on the floor, you jumped up and down clapping your hands, tears of joy joining everyone elses. 

When they all emerged and started coming towards you, you couldn't help but fling yourself at Suga 'You did it, you did it, you did it!' you called, arms and legs flung around him, clinging like a koala, you felt his arms hesitantly go around you, only making you cling tighter, grinning against his neck savouring the feeling of anothers warmth, how had you avoided this for all these years? How were you only hugging Suga now? 

You eventually climbed down and beamed at Suga his own smile not quite mathcing yours for once, he just looked down at you and smiled affectionatly before you were tackled by Nishinoya, Tanka and Hinata with cries of 'we won too', 'where's mine?', and 'me next'. Instead of screaming you just stood up and gave them all a mini hug, before giving the rest of the players one to, even Tsukishima seemed to marginally return you one armed hug.

-

You were all walking home, even more excitable than before, but moving considerably slower, Kageyama and Tanaka were dragging Hinata along while Yamaguchi just fussed over Tsukishima's hand.

Once again, the others had all peeled of and it was you and your fellow third years, 'I'm so proud of you guys' you said, jumping up and down with joy, probably the only member of the team who wasn't ready to keel over any second, you looked back at them to see them all struggling forwards but their grins still matched yours. Once you guys got to the junction where you all seperated, you gave each of the guys hugs before turning your own way skipping off gleefully singing 'we're going to nationals' over and over to yourself'.

Daichi turned amusedly to Suga and Asahi's still slightly baffled faces 'I don't think I've ever seen her this happy' he said 'you would have thought it was her on the court with us as well' 

'no, no you wouldn't, Anyone who played today would not have that much energy' Ashai interjected. Suga slapped them playfully on the back of their heads 'it was a team effort, besides we're not the only ones that overcame barriers today' he said smiling fondly after you 'err Suga? She left without you' Dachi interrupted, 'uhhh, that little minx' Suga said feigning shock horror, before waving back and following after you. 

-

You had made it to your street before you remebered about Suga 'ah shoot' you cursed out loud, turning back to aplogise to the setter. 

'Sorry' you called out when the orange stripes on his unifrom became visible in the distance, jogging a bit faster. 

When you two were finally in front of your house, you turned sheepishly to Suga 'Can I have another hug?' He just laughed and opened his arms 'you don't need to ask, besides we have 10 years of hugs to catch up on' you wrapped your ams around him once again burying yourself in his warmth as he retuned the hug 'I fear you may be becoming exceptionally clingy' he sighed 'I fear I may be becoming that to' you smiled back at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be honest - does this completely suck, no hate just constructive critisicm, I feel like I'm awful at these types of things.

**Author's Note:**

> Did this completely suck? constructive critisicm welcomed - I feel like I'm terrible at these types of oneshots, plus this one just seems stupidly long and the enning feels rushed.


End file.
